I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
