He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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