im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
