Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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