its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
ttyl tear gas
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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