I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
