I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize