I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
