you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
