i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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