Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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