thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
should my penis look like a turkey
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
