Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
