oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
