matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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