Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
