Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
