You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
