According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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