It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
