She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
40s are totally the cure
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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