You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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