I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
