If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How's work?
Spinning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
