You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
