my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize