Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Randomize
