When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
