she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
