you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
don't judge my taste in strippers
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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