I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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