Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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