so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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