You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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