It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
