in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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