Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
