So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize