Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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