She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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