There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
