What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
