the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize