drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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