We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize