i love accidental penises.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
