There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
