Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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