I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
