I have demons in me.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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