and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
