i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
