do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
