Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
