we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
