last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
