I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize