I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I met the friendliest cop last night
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
