How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
