Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
