Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
