My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like a drive thru vagina
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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