A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
