this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
