They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
