Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
