Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
