did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize