I bet he comes in French.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
