Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
