I want to make a zoo with you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i will never coherently bang her
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
