i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
