I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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