Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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