this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
