I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
