if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
