Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
