everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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