Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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