Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
