Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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