The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
