I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
