Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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