can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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