K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
