The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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