Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
did you just send me my own nude
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
