Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was confusing and full of hummus
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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