Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
