He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
