the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
