do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
