i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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