I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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