Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
