Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
