Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
