if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
