Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
