i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
