I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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