he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
