My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
