I just pynch a tree in the face
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
