New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
