If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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