Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
