Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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