I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
