I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize