I must be too annoying 4 u.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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