My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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