There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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